strobe lights & blown speakers, fireworks & hurricanes.

2010-05-29T22:04:00.001+08:00

MIA FROM NOW.

Cheers.

Already falling in love.

2010-03-19T21:52:00.003+08:00

Can never get enough of him <3

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

2010-02-23T17:48:00.003+08:00

Fucking sick.

Sore throat, muscle cramps, locked jaw, runny nose and coughing. Can it get any worse? Skipped school today and went to the doctor and they referred me to Changi General Hospital. -.- The only good thing about this situation is that i got two days mc.

Overdued pictures.

Fuck, school tomorrow.

2010-02-16T19:06:00.002+08:00

Life has been so far, fair.
I've been smiling, laughing the days away. Maybe it's because i'm always expecting something to happen. Expecting him to happen. Everybody's always saying that we need time. That if we want certain things to happen, we need time. But in my case, i don't have time. My days are numbered. Our days are numbered. But i'm still taking it so lightly. I think i'm taking the situation for granted. But i'm happy when he suddenly texts me. I'm happy when he wants to know about my day. He's different, in a very weird way.

Unfortunately, i think i'm slowly falling for him. And, that's bad.

I'll update the outing with the boys at a later date as i don't have the camera with me.
Anyway, Monday was great.

paulpaulpaulpaulpaul, ahh.

2010-02-01T17:00:00.015+08:00

This is gonna be a long damn post.

It was my first time at a live paid concert. It was my first time seeing Paul play live. It was my first time seeing BLG live. I would do anything to replay that night. It wasn't about how many fights that broke out. It wasn't about how many vulgarities that were thrown around. It was about everyone in the same place, at the same time, rocking to BLG. It still hasn't sunk it yet, seeing them play live. And, i've really fallen head over heels again for Paul, just like i've suspected. I'd replay that moment when Poolie drew a heart with his hands and pointed at me. I'd would replay that moment all over again. No matter what, Boys Like Girls made my day. Heck, they made my week.

"My cheeks red like fire engines racing straight to the heat of your skin and I know our days are numbered, early bird of the summer you'll fly south just as the fall begins."
- A Fine Frenzy.

Our days are numbered.

Poolie, love.

don't tell me your heart has harden.

2010-01-25T16:49:00.016+08:00

Started the past weekend with rehearsals for Chingay. It was torturous. No, it was hell. It was the worse rehearsals of all rehearsals. But at least i had the Drama girls for entertainment. The rehearsal was from 9am to 6pm. Now, i'm baked. Sunburned from the face all the way to my legs. Fortunately, there's no rehearsals this week but they'll resume on 3 February.

Top 5 Things To Do This Week.

Revise on Developments and Map Reading.
Rush after Drama tomorrow, to the post office to claim my tickets.
Message Daddy about my progression in life.
Let yourself go at the concert and fall in love all over again with Paul.
Try to catch glimpses of my stupid crush, even though i should be forgetting him.

the great escape.

2010-01-22T19:59:00.002+08:00

I usually think that whoever comes are the right people. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Whenever it starts is the right time. When it's over, it's over.

Can't say that i don't have feelings and i can't say that i don't like him. Can't say those things because i do have feelings and i do like him. I can't explain it, and i won't even try because it's not worth it. He's worth it, but the situation sucks. Some things weren't meant to happen, and maybe we're those things.

Anyway, had rehearsal for Chingay today while watching the rugby match between Junyuan, Bedok Town and a JC. Like finally i saw Shahril.

And, 6 MORE DAYS TO BOYS LIKE GIRLS CONCERT!
Stoked to see Paul, ahhhhhhhh.

poolie<3

2010-01-17T22:39:00.003+08:00

A new year, 2010. Nothing good has come out of it yet. All i know is that excess drama baggage follows you wherever you go. So what a new year? A new year doesn't guarantee a new you. Drama's like a shadow. It follows, lurking behind to engulf you. And, nobody knows it better than them.

You know who he reminds me of?
My stupid crush.

Anxiety is ruining my life.

2010-01-14T20:12:00.005+08:00

It kinda sucks when the guy you like, don't really like you back. It kinda sucks when the guy you don't like, likes you. So, go after the guy who likes you or go after the guy who doesn't like you? Anyway, after spilling my problems out to Rimmie, he simply said,

"When i text you, that means i miss you. When i don't text, that just means i'm waiting for you to miss me."

I told him that his advice is totally out of topic and he just laughed.
But he really does have a point.

Alex <3

open your eyes and damn your free.

2010-01-10T20:15:00.018+08:00

Had drama on Friday in the afternoon and then i had to rush to work in the evening. There's another side to Shazwan that i didn't know. Very interesting.
Spent my Saturday with my wonderful biatch. Started the day off with going to the airport. Bought the perfume and went off to town to shop. Had dinner at Pastamania. Then ended the day at Starbucks where we took ALOT of pictures and my biatch acted like a goof, HA! And i had a fantastic day, really.

Oh, and i've yet to iron my uniform.

Lovesick electric.

2010-01-04T14:50:00.008+08:00

Finally met up with Vanessa on New Year's Day after 478564 days of not seeing her as she went to Australia for half of the holidays. I seriously didn't know that Australia had a lot of Taylor Lautners' and Justin Biebers'. I would definitely migrate there if i wasn't migrating somewhere else. Anyway, Vans made the first day into the new year an exciting one. We ate our favourite fried noodles at our favourite usual place. We bought matching badges. I bought a black/grey stripes bra and a new bag. Then we spent the rest of the night at Ngee Ann City where we spotted Nalo and his friend. And, were they drunk? I think they were.

Another wonderful date with Vanessa. I love Vanessa baby, xoxo.

He doesn't wash up.

2010-01-01T02:50:00.003+08:00

Hey, it's been a while since i updated in here with a proper post. Anyway, a very Happy New Year to everyone. I spent the countdown to 2010 with my special bunch of fantastic friends at Siloso Beach. Of course, credits definitely to Adam for the free tickets. Ended work yesterday at 9.30pm and quickly boarded the train and met the rest at Vivo. Party and then jetted early with Amy. She has school tomorrow and other than being tired, i'm meeting Vanessa tomorrow. Can't afford to oversleep.
Thus, the rest of the baboons are still partying their ass off.

Anyway, my New Year Resolutions are:

Lose alot of weight.
Get a job i do that i enjoy and not just because of the money.
Spend time with my boyfriend one way or another.
Travel to another country. (for good, perhaps.)
Remind myself that it's the journey not the destination for 99% of things.*
Put myself first.
Tell my family the truth, and only the truth.

*Except when it comes to one thing. We know what it is.

Have i told you already?

2009-12-27T04:18:00.002+08:00

I fucking love Gabe, man.

Oh, and i miss miss miss miss Vanessa! ):

Yesterday's news can still make my day today.

2009-11-20T21:10:00.003+08:00

I feel on top of the world.

I went for the Cotton On interview yesterday and got the job! I feel happy/excited/nervous/ecstatic. I think this was by far the best day of the year. I made new friends while interviewing. They were very fun and surprisingly they're from St Hilda's. I'd even met this guy in my group and he looks awfully like Paul DiGiovanni, the bassist player from Boys Like Girls, the guy who i go googoogaga over. The interesting thing was that the interview wasn't just any interview. It was very different. Anyway, even everyone in my group got the job. Yesterday's news can still make my day today.

You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.

2009-11-16T23:02:00.004+08:00

Have you ever been mad at others?
And have you cried because you realized that it was because you were only mad at yourself and then put your anger on others? But instead, it was because you felt like crap for not admitting your feelings. And how you want to, but for some reason you just can't. It's frustrating.

Anyway, I have a job interview this Thursday. Wish me good luck?

Please magically appear in the empty place I saved for you in my bed beside me, Paul.

Caffeine.

2009-11-09T17:04:00.001+08:00

Kai.

2009-11-09T16:44:00.002+08:00

MIA for about two weeks.
No electricity, no entertainment, no laptop, no mobile phone, no friends, no air-conditioner, not enough undies to last those miserable two weeks. All this seems equivalent to being stranded on an island. With just barely nothing, only palm trees and a long, long stretch of water, surrounding everything. Only, I wasn't on an island. I was at someplace much more worse.

Talk about being cut from civilisation.

You can also be smart in your underwear.

2009-10-19T23:13:00.003+08:00

I don't have much time to update but I feel like putting something on here. My weekend was kinda boring. I didn't do much except sleep. But I have weird sleeping timings. I'm usually awake in the early morning but I'm asleep by afternoon. In just 4 days, I'm able to change my sleeping habits. Then what'll happen during those two months of holidays? Just like a bat.

Top 5 Things To Do This Week.
Remain calm if flunked any subject.
Try saving some money.
Remind Amy to update her twitter account. It's dead.
Catching glimpses of my crush without getting caught.
Survive this week with satisfaction.

Since exams are all over, people are now worried over money. Looking for jobs are getting more intense. Friends have been calling and texting me if I had a job and if I could recommend them. I don't have a job just yet. But I'm waiting for an interview. Right now, I need a job more than ever. I'm already broke and I'm constantly on a roll for demanding things.

fuckyeahtomfelton!

2009-10-16T18:18:00.007+08:00

fuckyeahtomfelton!
My current laptop wallpaper, yum.

Exams are finally and officially over. Bring on the nail polish and dyed messy hair. Anyway, I found out that papers would probably be returned to us on Tuesday. Most of the papers, if not all. Honestly, exam papers and results are far from my mind right now. All i can think about is ...

Now that exams are over, I keep spending my free time with DVDs, TV shows, icecreams and all those other random tidbits. Hmm, it's a wonder if I don't gain weight.

R: I do as i please, and lie through my teeth. Someone might get hurt but it won't be me. I should probably feel like cheap but I just feel free and a little bit empty.

Life is not always pretty and beautiful, it is also ugly and boring.

2009-10-12T16:02:00.021+08:00

I keep on thinking about him since yesterday. I saw him today at school, he saw me saw him. I told myself that he had a choice. Surprisingly, he came and sat with them. I was ecstatic. Maybe he wanted to be near, or maybe he just wanted to hang with his friends. Either way, I was indeed ecstatic. But Melissa, that doesn't mean anything, remember? He doesn't know you, you don't even know him. Why the sudden interest?

Honestly, I don't even know.

But the only thing I know is that whenever I close my eyes, I think of him. But seriously, who am I kidding? We don't know each other. We're both from totally different groups. Oh well, yesterday was fun while it lasted.

Exams are finally over, except for POA. I think I'm already eligible to celebrate since I already gave up on POA. Also, Physics paper today was surprisingly easy. Really. I think I'm actually proud of myself. The last minute revision thing, waking up extremely early at 4 in the morning to study and everything else. Now that I think about it, I deserve to pass and get promoted. Hell will break loose if i fucking retain.

See, as I'm typing this line, he and his smile is on my mind again. Bloody hellllllllllllllllllll.

It is two minutes past four.

2009-10-06T15:37:00.005+08:00

“ Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, The Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” The first single. It’s effing brilliant, right? That’s what everybody wants, Nicky. They don’t want a twenty-four-hour hump sesh, they don’t want to be married to you for a hundred years.
They just want to hold your hand.“

- Thom (Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist)

▲"Make love to me up against the dirrrty wall."

2009-10-05T18:27:00.012+08:00

ON HIATUS!
▲

Out of sight, out of mind.

2009-10-04T17:08:00.031+08:00

I definitely know how to fake a smile.

Seventeen Super Stylin' 09 was a blast! I slept in my makeup yesterday because I was seriously dead tired. The best part of the event was the food, hands down! After the event, trotted back to Tampines but then got a phone call and Bella, Amy and the rest were still in Clarke Quay. Later on I found out that they saw me in the club but they weren't sure if it was me. ?! But still, thanks for the support guys! Headed back home, changed and trained all the way back to Clarke Quay to meet them. Yesterday was awesome, but there was a lot of parts during the day where I just wanted to kill the girl. God.

I miss R and my bestfriend. Where are you guys? ):

▲dead lovers salivate, broken hearts tessellate tonight

2009-10-02T17:29:00.020+08:00

Malay paper 1 sucked, big time.

I have something to be happy about, but I don't know if I want to feel happy right now. Everything that happened is not how i pictured it to be. As much as I don't want tomorrow to come, I want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow is probably going to be the most important event in my life. Let's just pray and hope that no one will ruin it for me, yeah?

I miss R badly, very very badly. I saw him today, he laughed.

▲

cause we belong together now.

2009-09-24T21:53:00.014+08:00

Hari raye pictures soon.

I'm one of those people who don't mind being alone. I do think we all need to shut out the world once in a while. But lately, I have the hardest time being alone. I don't like staying in alone at night. I haven't been reading very much. And I plan to change that. I don't even like the moments right before I fall asleep. And these said moments are longer and longer every night, because I can't even sleep. Changes don't come easily to me. I don't like changing. I don't know if I like not liking solitude. I feel chaotic. [Probably because I've been watching the reruns of Lost.] I can't concentrate on anything. I feel distracted all the time. It's like I'm not getting anything done. I'm in a constant state of want.

feeling inspired by nothing.

2009-09-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling happy for a lot of things. First, I didn't attend school today. Second, the camera that I was waiting for had arrived. Thank God. Third, I got 2 months' complimentary Seventeen magazines for free from Seventeen itself. Fourth, I have enough money to buy me a pair of heels. And I was even thinking of doing something with my hair. Or, maybe not.

- -

Source: fuckyeahskinnybitch

Kanye West became infamous again.

2009-09-15T21:04:00.003+08:00

The most talked about topic on Twitter. The Kanye West/Taylor Swift controversy at the VMA's. Apparently, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech. He jumped on stage, cut Taylor’s speech and told the audience, “Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”

Taylor looked stunned, the crowd began to boo, and even Beyonce was shocked.
Some people think this act was staged. I doubt it.

Embrace your awesomeness.

2009-09-13T21:48:00.004+08:00

I've got two long scratches on my upper arm. Surprisingly, it's still there until now. I'm still on the verge of taking revenge. But I just don't know how. I can't even sleep properly due to the scratches. Every turn on the bed, I would feel that burning sensation. At least, it's not that painful as yesterday.

School's tomorrow, and I've not revised/study throughout the week. Exams will be in a couple of weeks time. And I don't feel the panic yet.

I lost my cellphone around the house. Hopefully, I'll find it.

AMMY! Popcorn, icecream and sorority row? HAHAHAHA. Two sets of both?

i'm a junkyard full of false starts.

2009-09-09T23:20:00.002+08:00

I think I've not made full use of this one week break from school. I should probably be studying but I'm doing everything besides that. Sometimes, I think I'm a lost cause. I don't smoke anymore, I definitely don't drink, I don't take drugs. But still, I feel like I've taken all those. I keep on telling myself that I need a hobby, something fun to do, something to pass time. But I've yet to find it.

- -

I'm a big big big fan of Wildfox. Personally, I lustfully adore their clothing label.

Source: Wildfox.

Be careful of what you wish for.

2009-09-07T01:10:00.005+08:00

It's heartbreaking to watch a live love story not happened. No matter how much you want them to end up together and in love, you know deep down that it's not going to happen. There's always something or someone that'll get in the way. Sometimes, I'll try to help. But, I know I can't.

- -

The tough thing about following your heart that people forgot to mention is that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy endings. That's almost not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown and once you, do you can never go back.

Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed. It is all part of the fairytale. - The Last Unicorn.

--

I feel like going on a road trip.

2009-09-02T17:19:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how teachers like to cram everything into this last week of Term 3. Believe it or not, I have a Geography (Part 1) test, Physics test and Social Studies test tomorrow. Plus, I still have to complete two 250-300 word essays by tomorrow. One on English and another on Mother Tongue.

PLUS! On Friday, I have a Chemistry test, Principle Of Accounts test and Geography (Part 2) test. Even though this week started out fairly well with all the holidays, I'm guessing it's gonna end pretty bad. Honestly, I knew there were numerous test I had to sit for, but I didn't thought everything would be on the same day.

It's just frustrating. I shouldn't feel stressed out, but heck, I'm feeling the stress.
Right now, all I want to do is just skip studying entirely and just sleeeeeeeep.

Sometimes, I feel like my life is falling apart, slooowly.

--

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NURUL AZIEFAH!

2009-09-01T21:10:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY, BESTFRIEND!

incense linger with cigarettes.

2009-09-01T16:26:00.018+08:00

Saturday.

Supposed to head to City Hall for Baybeats, but Vans cancelled at the very last minute. So, quickly texted bestfriend and we end up getting some good books from the public library. We then breakfast at Qi Ji and then we just slacked, goofed and took pictures at CP. All in all, Saturday was a very last-minute thing.

Sunday.

It was the 3rd day of Baybeats. Last year, I went to 2 out of 3 days. This year, just one day - Sunday. I was actually surprised when I heard Ammy and others saying that Friday and Saturday wasn't as fun and intense than Sunday. Anyway, met up with Vanessa at Citylink and we headed and hunted for shops/salons/spas at Marina Square to get Vanessa's eyebrows trimmed. Personally, I think her eyebrows are already thin enough. Seriously. But end up, she wasted $15 on her new eyebrow which kinda looked the same in the first place. HAHAH. Then for breakfast, we went to the foodcourt and got some good food.

After eating we went straight to Baybeats. We then got caught in the moshpit but not really in it. People around were making their own moshpits as we couldn't really get in front. My shoe was literally being stepped on, people's sweat lingered on my arms, the smell of alcohol wavered through the air. It was fucking intense. It was worse when Anberlin took the stage. We then left Baybeats when everything ended and we went straight to the MRT. From the Citylink tunnel, we saw on the MRT screen that the last trains were coming in 2 minutes time. So we ran like maniacs to catch our respective trains and fortunately we made it just in time. Luckily, the train was half-empty except for a large number of people from Baybeats. Made it home at around 1+.

I really had fun with Vanessa. It was a fucking awesome day.
Hey Vans, meet up soon again, yeah? XD

Monday.

Breakfast with Bestfriend at Eighteen Chefs. One of the worst meals of my life, really. Anyway, after Simei we went to Geylang. Walked around for, god knows how long. Saw a number of familiar faces even the cute boy XD. Then, I bought dendeng while Bestfriend bought tokoyaki. After that, we headed to Singapore Post and slacked there. Ate some of the dendeng with Bestfriend while keeping the rest for Mummy. Right up till now, I still haven't buy my subway cookies yet. And boy, am i craving for it.

Again and again and again and again, she said.

2009-08-29T00:11:00.004+08:00

Might be changing my blog address again.
I'm not sure when, but I'll make sure you know where I'm at.
To those who I've irritated by my constant change of address, I'm sorry.

Ammy, i know what you're doing while reading this update.
You're cussing.

I'd never said I'd take this lying down.

2009-08-28T22:23:00.006+08:00

I'm feeling pretty contented right about now. In the morning, I was actually deliberating on whether I should go for drama. It would probably be my first time to drama on a Friday. End up, I went. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty good. We finished the last part of the dance but I was still struggling with some of the steps. Still, all in all, a good session.

I definitely won't be attending school on Monday. So, it's gonna be a good long weekend, hopefully. Most probably will be starting the weekend by going to Baybeats tomorrow. Also, I'll be heading to the library during those four days to get some good books to read. Surprisingly, I have free time on my hands. Actually, I don't. I just don't wanna study. Anyway, I can't really do much during this long weekend except study, i guess. Once I'm back at school, there's gonna be a number of tests. Honestly, I can't wait for the final exams. Even though, I'm not even ready for 'em damn papers.

"GOOD THINGS COME UNEXPECTED.
Don't sit there staring at your phone waiting to get a text/call back!
Do what you need to do and focus on that. Then it will come unexpectedly."
- Araxie.

Hm, I didn't thought of it that way.

I sing the body electrik - xxx.

2009-08-23T22:31:00.004+08:00

Today went to the mall, bought some socks and shoelaces. While there, bought Subway cookies. Luckily, I made it just in time for breakfast.
Tomorrow's a new week. Tomorrow's school. Just two more weeks left to September holidays. I don't think it would be much of a holiday. Also, i found out some disturbing news that would really determine the rest of my future. I'm apparently not leaving this year. I'll be leaving early next year. Nice way of starting off a week.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Can't find the humour, but still.

How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up?

2009-08-21T21:12:00.003+08:00

I overslept today and skipped school. I actually felt rather happy when I woke up and found out that it was already late.

It's not fair. He liked me then, but I wasn't interested in him. Now because of what he knew, he's giving up on me. Even after what i told him before, he's decided to give up on me. Sometimes time doesn't heal. Just stands still while we fall in and out of love again. I doubt I'm gonna win you back when you've got eyes like that, that won't let me in. I haven't got a clue if you're the one, but I like you. And I like how you make me feel. I want to do this right, I don't want to feel unsure like the last time. Sometimes, getting what you want is just as difficult as not getting what you want. Because then you have to figure out what to do with it. Instead of figuring out what to do without it. I don't want us to fall apart today. Or ever, really. You're the one who said you'll never leave.

The thing is, he's not replying to my text messages.
I haven't even told him how i feel about him yet.

Sad.

we make allowances for pretty things.

2009-08-18T20:05:00.005+08:00

little white pills to take before i sleep,
little white pills to take before i dream,
little white pills to take effect before i wake,

I can't decide which is the greater mistake -

drowning those little white pills before facing slumber, or waking up each morning to drown another day.

Anyway, this week started out pretty good. Got back my Chemistry paper today and apparently, I passed. That actually made my day. I was even more happy when drama ended early today. More early than usual, it seems. In addition, I'm glad that Kyo and I have started talking again. I'm glad I'd sent that text message. I dunno, maybe I just miss him, that's all.
I'm pining all my hopes on having a good week. Hopefully, just hopefully.

WHAT YOU ARE NOW, WE ARE ONCE.
You jump, I jump. Remember?

--

We didn't handle with care.

2009-08-16T23:48:00.005+08:00

U N I N S P I R E D,

the past should stay dead.
the best time to correct mistakes, is right after you make them.
in that case, we would have lasted for - about a minute.

--

You have a morbid sense of fun.

2009-08-13T20:34:00.004+08:00

life is crazygonuts.

Say you just want to look at some physical representation of life and say, really now, life? Really? Say this physical representation of life looks at you and says, yes really. And then you might say, tell me why you knew about blah-blah and bloo-bloo for who-knows-how-long, but chose to tell me too late and at the same time? And then maybe this physical representation of life- an earthworm or grass stalk or oxygen particle- it looks at you and says, because I'm life and i get to do what i'd like.

Sorry, my randomness, it is zee crazeh today.

Here we go again.

2009-08-10T20:20:00.003+08:00

Nowadays, I don't feel a need to blog.
I don't feel a need to do anything anymore.
It's not the laziness that's talking. It's something else entirely.
It feels like as if I don't have a life.

I have to do something about this. I think I need a hobby.

Sixteen flames dance before innocent eyes.

2009-08-04T19:54:00.005+08:00

On your sixteenth birthday everyone says,
"Happy Birthday! You're sweet sixteen!"

But is it really all that sweet? The problems grow and life seems to turn on you. It doesn't seem at all sweet to me. Every second there is something new. Something that will just blow up in your face. For some reason being sixteen just doesn't seem to satisfy me. But, this is the moment when I'll change my silly ways and I'll live like I'm actually alive.

But still, thank you Isabell and Ammy and everyone for surprising me. I had fun on Saturday and on Sunday and I'll definitely remember it. And, thank you everyone else for the birthday wishes/spams, presents and prank calls.

The wind blows

2009-07-31T19:27:00.005+08:00

Actually wanted to go for drama, but something came up.
Also, I had plans with Isabell today, but it was cancelled. A part of me is actually kinda relieved, because I was feeling extremely lazy.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna go to YS's birthday party/movie/lunch/dinner. And on Sunday, Ammy and friends are throwing a birthday party for me. So far, they didn't tell me any details yet. I just have to show up and, that's it.
I can't even sign into MSN.

And, Taylor Swift's - You Belong With Me music video is really nice.
Lucas Till is cute.

Birthday in 2 days time!

You make me laugh so hard, my face hurts.

2009-07-29T19:32:00.003+08:00

Today was a bad day.
A really bad day. I could barely stay awake in classes. I came in late during a class period, and I have to serve detention tomorrow.

H1N1 Flu-Like Symptoms

2009-07-27T11:40:00.004+08:00

I skipped school today.
I woke up late, and the next minute I had the best headache ever.
Right now, I feel really weak. I'm still gonna go to school tomorrow, though.
Unless, of course, I've been bitten by the pig flu.

--

No pastas, but pizza.

2009-07-26T16:25:00.006+08:00

Right now, I'm using my free time watching The City reruns on MTV. Anyway, I should've been working during this Saturday and Sunday. But, Racheal wasn't in Singapore so I didn't have to work. Thank god.

Yesterday, me and bestfriend hit Bugis. Squeezed through Bugis Street. I bought some tops and bottom. Saw quite a number of familiar faces. After buying, we had a late lunch at Pastamania. No pastas, but pizza. Bestfriend then bought frozen icecream. Cookies N Cream + Rasberry. I didn't thought it would turn out to be quite a good combination. All in all, i had a really great time with bestfriend after not seeing her for a week, i think.

I can't help but think of R constantly.
I can't believe i miss the only guy who can actually make me happy.
Now i know why all the rest of my relationships don't work out.
It's all cause of R.

I don't know why I'm still pining my hopes on him.
Silly me.

/dreams make him vomit

2009-07-20T18:12:00.002+08:00

I'm very behind in school. Today, i could barely stay awake. I keep on telling myself to suffer now and enjoy whatever it is, later. I'll have to suffer through mother tongue lessons, cca sessions and work from now on. As selfish as this sounds, I'm still waiting for school to close. Someone in Singapore did died from H1N1 already, mind you.

Tomorrow is Anna's birthday and I hate Tuesdays. But I'll have to put a smile on my face.
And Thank God, throughout school, Rimmie kept me occupied with the pads of my cellphone.

Sleep has never sounded so sweet, until now.

--

reminders.

2009-07-13T19:01:00.003+08:00

dear me,

you do not have a terrible heart. you do not have sad eyes and love is not a war you need to win. sometimes i feel like disappearing, but remember:

we are never really alone.

dear me,

every now and then, you can close your eyes and still find your way. remember to breathe because you did not sink a paper boat and you are not floating underwater. you already know the answer to the question you are looking for.

dear me,

laugh until it makes you cry. see things you've never seen in people before. stop worrying about your hair and call him just to say i miss you.

dear me,

do something different and you will be surprised. let yourself enjoy the sunrise. try and have fun with your friends and have silly conversations with yourself about cows eating grass and just make yourself laugh for once.

dear me,
you are never really alone. you do not have sad eyes.

sincerely yours, poem.

Blame it on the boogie.

2009-07-08T22:05:00.006+08:00

Michael Jackson's burial was a sad moment.
I fought back tears, but broke when MJ's daughter gave her speech.

RIP, Michael.

abc.

2009-07-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

I can't say i possibly miss the one person who broke me internally. Right?

I don't think of you. But, today's exceptional.

I can't help but wonder if it means something. A phone call, a text message, an internet note – are you anticipating communication?

Instead, I write.

For two seconds I wonder if I made the right choice. Then I look around and realize there would never have been a place for you here. I created this space for another – any other way would feel wrong. Still, you haunt me. What do you want from me? More apologies? Nagging guilt? For me to admit that I was nothing but wrong? I will not apologize for living. I will not apologize for loving someone other than you. The guilt? It went out the window when you said you didn't care.

Honestly, neither did I.

I will never, ever, ever regret the goodbye.

fickle minded/

2009-07-06T01:01:00.003+08:00

I loved him in Penelope and Wanted.

I'm gonna change my url soon.
And i know i've been changing it like how i change underwears/handbags. After this new blog address, i'm gonna resist the urge to change again. No matter how much i'm gonna hate it later onwards. I really don't know what's wrong with me. At first, i thought i had an addiction. An addiction on repeatedly changing my blog address. Then i realised that what i thought didn't made sense or maybe i'm just very fickle minded.

I hate mother tongue.
I'm certainly not looking forward to anymore Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays.

21st Century Breakdown.

2009-07-03T23:02:00.003+08:00

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside, you're in ruins.

One, 21 Guns
Lay down your arms.
Give up the fight.
One, 21 Guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I.

Nothing's ever built to last.

Back to school as we know it.

2009-06-28T02:05:00.003+08:00

School's tomorrow.

The idea of going back to school hasn't even sunk in yet. I haven't yet touch my holiday assignments, much yet complete them. Back to school rules that traps us in, back to the tests we can barely win, back again to the stress and all.

I'm still wondering why the government won't grant us our extension.
Maybe a death from H1N1, would do it.
Maybe.

I haven't wash the dishes yet.

2009-06-25T04:54:00.007+08:00

JAKE AND COLTON!
Got this from Jake's myspace page, rofl.

They're freaking hilarious, seriously.

Grins meet.

2009-06-22T00:17:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was intense.
Yesterday, i came back home smelling like beer and ciggarettes.

I'm not gonna update about everything that happened yesterday but the highlight of the day was Sentosa Summerfest. Especially the mosh pit. Some local acts that performed was A Vacant Affair, Plain Sunset, The Fire Fight, Electrico, Don Mark Van and some others. And A Vacant Affair really rocked the place out! Arms were thrashing and legs kicking. Majority all the guys were topless. And some of them even had glowing sticks in the mouth. The mosh pit atmosphere was fucking intense. I've been to a number of concerts and shows and participated in a number of pits before, but this was the shit. This was the most intense ever, i think.

Everyone - the guys and the girls started to jump. To push. To head bang. To run into each other so violently that people are trampled. Hair’s pulled, shoes are lost, toes are crushed beneath the feet of other people. Hands in the air, pushing forwards, sideways-any way. Bodies mushed into each other so closely it's almost sexual. Anyway, i was flung and pushed away again.
But whatever, bruises were for tomorrow.

Oh, and i saw Davin and Ryo!

AND!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!
Skate till you die, okay!♥

I won't hesitate, no more.

2009-06-18T00:59:00.003+08:00

I'm such a pig.
Woke up at 6pm and left the house at 7.45pm.
I'm living the life.
Hurray.

Life is too short. It’s too short for maybes. Too short for I hope so and I wish. Too short for second guessing every decision, and wondering if perhaps something might have gone better. It’s too short for me to sit and wonder if I should or shouldn’t. Its just too damn short. Yet even though I know all this, I can't stop myself from wondering and wishing. I can't help but think I might make another mistake, and perhaps I might fall yet again. But now, I don’t care as much. I have lived 15 years and done wondrous things and even with all that I’ve done, I’ve still done nothing at all.

She made me laugh my guts out.
It's an inside joke.

FUCK HIM.

2009-06-16T23:30:00.005+08:00

I never met you,
But, I'm pretty sure i hate you.
Now that we're no more, i feel a burning sensation inside. It's drowning all the pain and killing all the love I had for you. Knowing that my hate for him will grow, and heck, it spreads fast. At the moment, killing you is what i have in mind. I'm glad that we are no more. The pain slowly leaves me, and the hate grows. You think I wouldn’t like to sit and talk behind your back? Instead I sit on sidelines, a meek and silent act. To slander your name, you call me a shame? Take a good look in the mirror, who's looking back? You? Me? Her?
I was right, i always have been.

Go ahead. Hit me. I dare you.
Don't give me shit about how a guy isn't supposed to hit a girl.
You're not the same person i knew.
So, go ahead. Hit me you fucking coward.

Don't bother with apologies, i don't know you anymore.

You are dead to me.
You mean nothing to me.

You and your gay sex partner, can go to hell.

Dead beat.

2009-06-16T01:47:00.003+08:00

Stoned with my big donut at WildWildWet, yesterday.
Had a few laughs, here and there.
Dropped my precious W380, silly me.
Goodbye.

And another thing:
NEVER TRY HEALTHY EATING OR THE FIVE A DAY 'RULE'!

Do so and save yourself the embarrassment.

I've officially fallen in love with THAT korean guy.
x

onetwothreefourfive, die.

2009-06-07T22:22:00.001+08:00

1. You can keep saying whatever you wish to, but it won't mean anything until you actually come to me and do something about it. I'll be waiting.

2. I didn't mean to get you in trouble with the school, I was just trying to look out for myself. You did involve yourself in my life, so.

3. I think you're ignoring me, and I don't really know what I did. I was starting to really enjoy talking to you.

4. You disappeared off planet earth, I'm almost positive. I don't know if you're mad at me, or if you think I'm crazy because I've been crazy about you. I have no idea.

5. I think it's safe to say you and I are over for good. I wanted to try again but we were having so many issues. I'm tired of arguing with you. I'm tired of always having to explain myself. relationships shouldn't be just that. I don't know what happened with you, but you used to be the sweetest, nicest guy. But you randomly turned into some fucking hot-shot, and it's a big turn off.

6. I've given up with you, too. I can tell you're not into me, even though you said you were awhile ago. You like skinny, fake-ass broads who will do anything for you. Fuck that.

Trent Reznor!

2009-06-04T00:49:00.007+08:00

I somehow look different, hm.

Anyway, it's finally June! My brain has forgotten how to think in so many ways, and sometimes i mind, but in some ways, i don't. Also, i seem to have developed a nervous condition because i hear my alarm clock constantly in my head and if i hear the slightest sound in my sleep, i jerk awake thinking it's my alarm. No more bloody 8am classes! The most important things on my mind at this particular moment are my extra remedial classes next week, wondering if i'm going to the 7th and 18th gig and surviving.
Hurray.

Today, someone asked me:
WHAT IS YOUR (LEAST) FAVOURITE PART OF BEING HUMAN?
least: human error.
most: heartbeats.

"Take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."
(Hahaha, fucking Trent Reznor, you make me giggle.)

It's currently twofiftytwo, am.

2009-06-03T02:49:00.003+08:00

This thing is dead, the tagboard's dead.
Hm, i think i'll update properly tomorrow.
Whatdya' think?

Finally, purple hair!

2009-05-22T23:12:00.004+08:00

I'm gonna do just a quick update.

Probably by now, exams are almost over for most schools. Some already got back their results. Well anyway, I'm currently carrying the burden of my English, Maths, Chemistry, POA, Social Studies marks. The rest are not out yet. Let's just say i didn't do quite well like how I'd hoped. Honestly, when i took the exams, only 50% of my mind was really focused on completing it before the time allocated.

And, i blame the other 50% on him.

TENTENTENTEN.

2009-05-18T13:36:00.015+08:00

the birthday girl.

Reached Fid's chalet at about 7pm, last Saturday.
That's about it, i guess. I'm rather lazy to explain.

And oh, Happy 17th Birthday Fidyianna! <3

Scarecrows wannabe.

2009-05-13T16:48:00.003+08:00

I'm listening to these love songs and the lyrics are all the same.
"I love you," this and "I fucked up," that.
"I miss you, love" and "I want you back."

Everytime i listen to these songs, i instantly think of you. And all of the things you would say and the way you would make me feel. But i have to get over that fact, because not of it was ever real. I was never your star. I'm still amazed and i'll never understand on how we got so far. All that's left are the memories and that one special song.

And fuck physics and chemistry.

Inside joke.

2009-05-03T00:38:00.004+08:00

Dear bestfriend,

I've been through more shit than most people would believe, but you always stayed with me and you never got up to leave. You've understood what i've been through. You are the person who i can laugh with for hours about the same funny thing. My bestfriend is there when i'm feeling down. We make silly inside jokes and to be the only ones to laugh about it. You're someone who i can be crazy with and not have to be judged.
I can be me.

Dear boyfriend,

Since the first time that we met, I knew that this day I would never come to regret or even forget. Boy, you took my breathe away. And you have never failed to amaze me to this day. When you were crying, i wanted to be there just to give you a hug. I wanted to lend my heart to feel your pain, or even lend a shoulder for you to cry on. But i just couldn't. Not after what you did to me. I never even knew how love could hurt this much, but you let me decide. Yet I will love you all my days, of that there is no doubt. Despite the pain, despite the loss and despite the hurt i feel inside. In the pieces of my shattered heart, the love will still reside.

I'll always love you A,
forever and never a day less. <3

he's forbidden.

2009-04-29T20:11:00.002+08:00

Wednesday was a waste of my time.
Floorball's the only reason why i came to school today.

Did you know, you have a peculiar ability to stun me with your personality. It terrifies me each time because it makes me scared i might do something i won't regret.
Like falling in love with you.
But we both know that's something that shouldn't happen.

Literature.

2009-04-18T19:52:00.007+08:00

A person who looks so much for something will never find it,
Only when that person stops looking for love, will they find love.
- James Bailey.

Have you ever felt that feeling whenever you see someone, you freeze and your heart starts to beat so fast and you have to hold on to something so you wouldn’t fall? Sometimes when they talk to you, do you utter stupid words and end up embarrassing yourself? I have.
It’s not that you want it, but just the presence of that person makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Would you be brave and admit your feelings? What if it’s simply not meant to be, do you give up? Or keep trying and end up with nothing? Well, that’s love. Its irony speaks, but you got to take risks to get answers.

The love you can’t have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most. It’s so hard pretending to be friends with someone special when every time you look at that person it just hurts even more knowing that all you see is ultimately everything that you want but you can’t have. Isn’t it stupid when you say, “No, I don’t love that person anymore.” But still, when the memories are refreshed and that person become visible again in your life. You’ll stare and say, “Damn it! Why can’t I forget you?” So each time I see you, I'll say to myself, “I moved on.” It’s hard to love someone who is not serious enough. Time would give you chances to talk, chances to be together and chances to share. You only have chances, just chances.
That's all you have.

A heartbreak isn’t as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is no one really hears it except you. You can handle the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on. But you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who failed and hurt you is still the person you’ll choose to love. I cried so many times because of a love lost and a love I never really had. I suffered pain worse than dying. But feelings change and there’s one lesson that everybody should learn in time; move on.

You can’t finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It’s a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It’s just like loving again after experiencing pain. Loving someone can’t be proven with just the way you feel, the words you say or the things you give. If you’ve ignored yourself and sacrificed your own happiness for the one you love, you know what love means.

Really, with a capital R.

2009-04-16T15:17:00.004+08:00

R E A L L Y .
Really, i thought i could do well.
I entered the room with a positive conscience. But, i left it with a negative one. Every year, i always ace my English exams. Even, when i didn't put much effort i still managed to achieve at least an A2. Right now, i'm not even sure if i can even get an A. So, no more exams till the 24th of April which unfortunately lands on a Friday.
Tsk, so much for the chalet.

I'm going to give love a try.
I'm going for that last shot, which i personally don't think i deserve.
Its definitely gonna be, 2008 all over again.

randompostaboutlove.

2009-04-12T23:26:00.002+08:00

Babyyyyyyyy, its been 30 days with you.
Life with you is interesting yet tiring.
I know i don't show that i love you, but i'm sure you know.
I've been through some crazy shit when i'm with you.
But, deep down i know that its all worth it.
Its worth it for a bastard guy like you, hahaha.
You keep saying you love me, but i still don't believe it.
And i don't know why yet.
♥

I've school tomorrow. I don't feel like going at all. But, i don't think i have a choice. To make matters worse, my midyear starts this Thursday. To make matters even more worse, i've not revised any shit yet.
Tsk, shoot me now.

Nice, i'm sick.

2009-04-12T01:14:00.005+08:00

MINAHXZXZ and me roamed T1.
FYI, its my first time to T1. It's fucking spacious. When i first reached the doors of T1, the mall just reminded me so much of Bugis Junction. The way the escalators are placed and such. Anyway, i was high like hell when i saw Topshop. At least, i don't have to travel far to either Orchard or Marina Square to purchase clothes from Topshop. I was even excited when i saw Dorothy Perkins, Outfitter Girls and Runway 75.

Skipping the details, we were in and out of every shop.
Had late lunch at PastaMania (AGAIN!). Ordered pizza and caesar salad. It was minah's first time trying the salad. Anyway, bought cookies at Subway.
Here's the interesting part:
3 Cookies is sold at $2.90.
So, i bought 3. I gave $5. So, i should have gotten back $2.10 but instead i got back $4.10.
Thus, i just paid $0.90 for 3 bloody cookies. Cool, huh?
I wasn't even paying attention when she returned me my money. I just left with my cookies.

iloveyou nic, 110309.♥

IMISSHIM, tsk.

2009-04-05T00:57:00.006+08:00

First of all, i wanna wish HAYDEN A VERY HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY! (:
Hope you get the new acoustic guitar that you wished for. Heh heh. Unfortunately, that's the only picture of him that i have, i think.
Pathetic, lol.

I went out with my MINAHXZXZXZ today, heh heh.
Its been quite some time since I've went out with her. Actually, i was hoping to write some long paragraph about what we did and all, but I'm so freaking tired that I'm going to skip all those details and just summarise the whole thing.

We ate, we laughed and we enjoyed.
That's all that counts, isn't it?

Goodnight and goodbye.

2009-03-18T01:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i take things for granted. Sometimes, people take me for granted. Sometimes, i let people come close to me knowing that they'll be gone one day. Sometimes, i let people come close to me knowing that they'll never be outta my life. But sometimes, they just leave without a reason whatsoever. It sucks not knowing whether its your fault or theirs. But, whatever happens, happens. And it happens for a reason.

I love him, but it can't happen.

my life would suck without you.

2009-03-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

he said, he'll never fall in love.
he swears.
as he run his hand through his hair, and laughs.
i'm laughing.
cause, i hope he's wrong.
and i don't think it'll ever cross his mind.
he tells a joke,
i fake a smile.
but i know all his favourite songs.
and i could tell you his favourite colour's green.
he loves to argue.
he's born on the seventeenth.
and if you ask me if i love him,
i'd lie.

life?

2009-03-09T19:13:00.000+08:00

All of a sudden, i feel like as if i love the idea of the big life - the life that matters, the life that makes a difference. The life where stuff happens, when people take action. The opposite of the life where the girl can't even speak to the boy she likes; the opposite of the life where the friends aren't even good friends, and lots of days are wasted away feeling bored and kind of okay, like as it nothing matters much.

And, i don't think i want to go to school tomorrow.

sucksucksuck.

2009-03-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

today was a sucky day.
fullstop.